The chance to say hello again is a gift, one not to be taken lightly.
How many of us have had the opportunity to reconnect with family or friends separated by time and circumstances? I’ve been blessed a great deal this past year which started with my high school reunion and the renewal of many friendships along with several new ones. Then, something I dreamed would never take place finally did when the son I put up for adoption reached out to find me after forty-seven years, the best gift of all!
There was one more special reunion with someone who had always rested in a soft spot in my mind, a first love that went back to junior high school. A simple message on Facebook one day opened a door to remembering, laughing and sharing two lives that painfully parted in typical teen-age heartbreak more than fifty years ago. It was nice to talk once again, as old friends.
We both shared our stories of family drama, things everyone experiences, coping with all that is good, bad or indifferent. He spoke about not fully understanding how and why things take a negative turn in life, especially his, but he did so with kindness and a certain acceptance that so much of what we deal with is God’s plan.
He had Cancer. Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma to be exact. He was in somewhat of a remission when we first started talking, his spirits were great and he spoke often about a favorite movie called “The Bucket List”. He urged me to watch it and I asked if he had a list of his own, which he most certainly did. The list was made up of just two things, buying himself a new Mercedes and taking a trip with a close friend to Mackinac Island. It seems that his buddy was fixated on a movie called “Somewhere in Time” and wanted to visit the Michigan hotel where the film was made. I smiled to myself, visualizing the two of them heading out on this road trip but encouraged him to grab that proverbial bucket and go!
As too often happens where Cancer is concerned, things started deteriorating. Our conversations became fewer as he again started Chemotherapy; it weakened him considerably and his positive spirit desperately struggled with the side-effects of the treatments. A few weeks ago, I texted him to see how he was doing. He replied “At hospital, talk later” I never heard from him again, he passed away on September 1st.
Now, I keep thinking about the whole bucket list deal, about how we all need to have wishes and dreams, just as he did. What’s important is to act on many of these things while we can. Just do it! Enjoy whatever life has to offer while there is still time. Renew friendships, apologize where needed, make peace and move beyond past transgressions, walk in the rain, savor every sunrise, every sunset and catch snowflakes on your tongue.
Live…like you were dying.
From the inspiring Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop...Write a blog post inspired by the word: bucket
I cheated a bit on this prompt. I do that, now and then. Written in 2015, and shared on a previous prompt, I’ve chosen still not to change anything from when I first wrote this post. It’s kind of difficult to change anything about this story or re-write it with a new outlook. Easier to reflect on an old friendship from simpler times and maybe, just maybe, start adding a few things to my own bucket list….while there’s still time!
Friends, foes; the pretense.
Both circumstances and individual needs is a matter of personal preference where having either a large group of friends or a few, very close, friends are concerned. The diversity of a large social circle exposes us to different ideas, cultures and ways of thinking which benefit our individual creativity and problem-solving skills. On the other hand, having just a few close friends offers us deeper emotional support and connection as close friends provide a strong sense of belonging, purpose and help us cope with difficult times and feelings of loneliness. Of course, there are two schools of thought here, the right balance; either having a few high-quality friendships can be more important for well-being than having a large network in life. The ideal number and type will vary for each of us. Somewhere, in the middle, lies the grey area surrounding all personal interactions.
Strong relationships take time and effort to nurture and maintain and there’s an “11-3-6” rule in friendship which suggests that it takes 11 encounters, each lasting 3 hours over a period of 6 months to turn any acquaintance into a true friend. This idea is based on the concept that building a strong friendship requires consistent time and interaction. Ideally, we all strive to focus on cultivating a manageable number of positive and supportive friendships, either with just a few close friends or a larger group who provides us with meaningful connections. The most important aspect of any friendship is finding those relationships that provide us with connection, support and positive feelings.
Feelings, the operative word here. Actually, gut feelings which play a tremendous role where relationships and friendships are concerned; while a valuable tool for decision making, it’s not always reliable. These feelings, our intuitive sense, can be a valuable tool for both decision-making and navigating friendships, helping us to identify red flags or potential issues. Of course, trusting our initial instincts is a protective mechanism when there’s a sense of uneasiness or honesty of another person.
Intuition steps in if any new or existing friendship consistently makes you feel anxious or uncomfortable and it’s wise to listen. A sense that someone is trying to control, even manipulate you is like a red flag, likely trying to alert you to potential issues. Words and actions which don’t align, stories constantly changing, all trigger your intuition and picking up on dishonesty. Don’t ignore any persistent, negative, feeling about someone, even if you’re unable to put your finger on the exact reason. Pay attention to how an individual’s presence makes you feel physically and emotionally, such feelings may align with your intuition. Observe their actions, how they treat you and others, how they look to create drama in situations in order to gain some misguided quest for attention. Sometimes, it’s advisable to try and have an honest conversation with that person, expressing concerns while avoiding accusations; speak with trusted friends or family members to get their insights.
Where all friendships are concerned, definitely trust your gut but always be open to learning. It’s important to trust our intuition but never lose sight of the fact that it is not perfect. Remain open to challenge those gut feelings, give people a chance while always being mindful of your boundaries.
“Friends, foes; the pretense” hints at the complex and often deceptive nature of relationships. It suggests that appearances can be deceiving, and those we perceive as close friends, even just acquaintances, might harbor ill intentions with a hidden agenda.
From the Writer’s Workshop: What is more important to you, having a bunch of friends or having a couple of very close friends? Explain. How well do you trust your gut feelings?