Another cookie, please!

Can we be honest here? Good. Let’s face it, secretly, we all hold grudges, most of us likely think we shouldn’t and many of us deny that we do. Holding onto a grudge is much too negative, correct? Thinking positively, we should forgive and just move on, have a happy life and focus on how we get to that positive. Denying negative emotions and experiences while hoping they’ll disappear from memory and leave us thinking and feeling like nothing happened will lead only to more pain, conflict and stress in the long term.

What to do, what to do? Do we hold onto a grudge, then forgive and move on while that grudge hides in a corner of our emotions, poking us now and then? Doing so does not have to fill us with hate or make us bitter and miserable, at least not if we approach that line of thinking in an enlightened way. In fact, it can do the opposite by making us more forgiving and help us to honor our personal emotional landmarks. In the process, we can rack up some vital life lessons.

Think about it. Our value system, hopes needs and priorities all will act as a series of stepping stones, pointing us in the right direction for the best possible future. From a young age, many of us have been trained to think that holding grudges is a petty, compassionless and downright horrible thing to do. This means that, as we go through life and every so often find ourselves on the receiving end of some nasty treatment, we are ill equipped to deal with it in the best possible way.

This was the case for me, for many years and, too often with circumstances that caused much more harm than being woken up in the middle of the night. I felt so guilty about any grudges I held but, for the life of me, just could not let go of them. It wasn’t that I couldn’t give up my grudges, I just did not want to because, in some inane way, they were wondrous things and I enjoyed the rather strange sense of their empowerment. These grudges were the very route to positivity and well being that I needed. Hell, they weren’t really harming me or anyone else, I had no negative feelings associated with them, in fact, they were simply a collection of stories that were important to me and I wanted to keep them. They helped to protect me from future harm and would help me process any harm which I did experience in a healthier way.

In my own strange way I value and love all the grudges I deem worthy of holding. Each one has taught me, more than anything else in my life, the way I do and don’t want to live, especially where who and what to avoid is concerned. Each one reminds me to never forget.

From the Writer’s Workshop: Write a post based on the word grudges.