Unapologetically difficult…

January 30, 2026 by Leave a Comment

Many of us are approaching that final door leading to the end of life while navigating the inevitable passage of getting older. On the opposite side, there are fewer and fewer opportunities surrounding our diminishing future. Relax, I am not being overly morbid, just realistic. The reality is that, what lies ahead, at least for me, will be an awful lot of “lasts” with material things and, sadly, people in my life. In addition, that list of things I’ve always wanted to do, especially places to go, like the Amalfi Coast, well, one by one, they’ve all been eliminated. Reality, wearing its painful Sunday best, has taken control.

How can we honestly say that we know ourselves? There’s been so much about what makes me…me, that I have not explored. Of course, I’ve definitely spent time navigating a great deal of useless bullcrap in the struggle to deal with the challenges of being me and, here I am, nearing the end of life’s ride, still dealing with external judgement, maintaining some element of authenticity beside outside pressure to conform.

Aging gracefully is big business, for some, a never-ending quest to ward off time by enduring a nip here, tuck there, injections that might work for some but not all; isn’t it a bit ludicrous to have a face that doesn’t match an aging body? Then again, this is not terribly different from people who comment on my determination to keep working at this late date. My personal choice is to appreciate where I’m at, physically, as I navigate my personal disconnect from obsessively focusing on youth and accept the normal reality of aging.

In this very moment of my life, I’m pretty much done with those in this world who demand some element of conformity to a given process, especially that of a political nature. I’m ready, willing, and damn able to risk all rejection to live my life authentically. My struggle to set boundaries and needs to make others comfortable has resulted in stress and resentment and I’ve come to accept the fact that I might not know who I am, most of my behaviors are conditioned responses to the environment in which I was raised and currently live.

Honestly, I’ve let go of so many things due to not being sure if I’ll make it to their finish, but, at least my ambitious nature hasn’t given up on me. In some ways, I still enjoy feeling the pressure which can surround a project or some idea that rolls through my head. There’s that familiar spark of lightness that happens often, a big part of me being me where I can simply be and do without attaching any personal significance to something and, in a way, enjoy being in control. This is one of those fleeting moments that makes you smile, become a child again and the world, for a brief moment, is my playground, where I can love people without needing any of them and bring real meaning to what I do without being anxious about what might happen next. Sounds great, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, much like Boston weather, if I wait a few minutes, that euphoric dose disappears and reality sets back in.

The most tragic part of it all is that, as this trip around the sun grows shorter, so do some relationships that will never heal, arguments that rear their ugly heads with no possibility of compromise, and the worst, total lack of contact and respect from family who glare arbitrarily from angry corners of my immediate universe. How sad that the doors of my life will close forever, leaving unresolved differences behind. Sad as well that all things holding precious memories will end up in some stranger’s hands or permanently discarded due to familial indifference and estrangement.

My days will continue to move along with the focus on work and staying with my attempts at creative and interesting writing. I enjoy the challenge to share words that people will read and enjoy, and sometimes dislike when I delve into controversial topics. I need the structure and self-pressure, especially when my writing attempts hit the dreaded “wall” where I have absolutely nothing meaningful to share because my aging brain refused to cooperate.

It’s doubtful that I’ll be remembered by anyone for my writing, except for a few people in my immediate circle but what I have is a gift, a desire to write and I am a hard-headed, determined, woman who continues to focus on a well orchestrated narrative worth sharing. My life’s ending will include periodic episodes of rejection, criticism, missed opportunities, jealousies, and plenty of bitterness, but I’ve had to find my own way of being and staying present in life’s moments, of growing older, possibly throwing in the towel, digging in, and I’ve done so, harder than ever.

I feel that, when you learn this, things change. John Steinbeck once said, “Now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.” Given that, I will damn well continue to be myself, a work still in progress, very difficult and far from perfect. And that’s wonderful.

From the Writer’s Workshop:What’s the most difficult thing about being you? Elaborate.
Signature
Filed Under: Writing Prompts Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Lost in the crowd…

January 1, 2026 by Leave a Comment

Each year at this time, as the clock strikes midnight and the door opens with a new year waiting on the other side, we often wonder how much life will change in the months ahead. One thing, at least for me, is the superficiality of various social and business related gatherings, the masks people wear, the lack of genuine listening, all which highlight a common truth in that true and honest connections can be difficult to find in settings such as these.

Let’s face it, we all have a desire for empathy, for someone to ask, “are you okay” or “do you need anything”, both which speaks to a fundamental human need for validation and support.

We have all been forced into environments which have drained us, most exhausting and yielding no real fulfillment; we need to prioritize such spaces where we can be our genuine self, being part of an organization, a community, where people accept us for who we are, rather than what we project. It makes all the difference when one opts not to follow a crowd to avoid getting lost in one.

Somewhere along the way, we often stop caring, we simply stop asking and that’s likely why it feels that we’re drifting apart from established connections, or groups, in our lives; likely a textbook defense mechanism. We still meet with those considered friends, we talk, but conversations skim the surface and we chat about the mundane things, the weather, headlines, about things that really don’t touch what we’re really about. We talk so that we don’t have to say the real things, a quiet kind of sadness, the kind that doesn’t shout but just lingers in our background like a dull hum.

And maybe that’s the quiet tragedy, so many of us carrying invisible baggage, passing each other in various situations, smiling in photos, laughing at jokes, while inside we’re hoping someone will notice without us having to say a word.

From The Writer’s Workshop: Write a post in exactly nine (9) sentences.

Signature
Filed Under: Writing Prompts Tagged With: , , , , ,

The unseen hand…

November 11, 2025 by Leave a Comment

For many reasons, I’ve been fairly focused on why so many people act in underhanded ways, especially after recently observing some highly questionable procedures in a social/business environment where teamwork should have been the main event in the situation. My focus reminded me of Machiavelli’s theory where he observed that, under competitive conditions, humans pursue their main goals with increasing levels of ruthlessness along with manipulativeness, cynicism, selfishness, callousness and a great deal of arrogance. Sometimes, it’s a reminder to hide the knives and other sharp objects.

He believed that people are fundamentally selfish, fickle, ungrateful, and driven by self-interest, often at the expense of others. He argued that because humans are inherently unreliable, a ruler (or those thinking they are rulers) must be pragmatic and, if necessary, ruthless to maintain power and stability. He famously stated that “the ends justify the means,” suggesting that individuals often do not hesitate from using deceit, manipulation, or even cruelty to achieve their goals and protect what they think is their position, or that of someone else.

Let’s face it, Machiavelli maintained a cynical view of human nature in which people are fundamentally self-interested, fickle, and driven by fear, ambition, and the desire for power. He argued that most individuals are willing to lie, manipulate, and exploit others to achieve their personal goals and will quickly change allegiances if they perceive a potential improvement in their lot. Couldn’t agree more, Niccolo, but, what is the answer behind it all? How do people cope with those hell bent on always holding one hand behind their back, poised and ready to act in some underhanded fashion to achieve their goal?

The answer, I am guessing, is fairly simple as attempting to understand the behavior exhibited is for a complex mix of reasons, most of which center on self-interest, a desire for control and underlying personal insecurities. It’s a form of manipulation used to achieve personal goals especially when direct and a lot more honest methods are viewed as ineffective, unavailable, or not capable of producing the desired outcome.

In many competitive environments, individuals may use underhanded tactics to secure an advantage over others. Paradoxically, many who act in underhanded ways often suffer from deep-rooted insecurity or a lack of self-confidence. That’s where manipulation comes in as it helps to compensate for a given inadequacy; by making others feel inferior or, by gaining control, they boost their own sense of self-worth. Negative behavior such as this can stem from the fear of negative consequences, rejection, disapproval or conflict. It’s also a way to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions, especially where past incidents have taken place, making it more difficult to obtain something like a professional or social status where an advantage over others might be secured.

Thrown into many underhanded scenarios can be a manifestation of personality traits. The individuals involved may lack empathy and have few qualms about being argumentative, even combative, in order to achieve their particular objectives. Understanding any of the dynamics involved requires looking far beyond the behavior itself into the deeper, underlying motivations and psychological factors that drive the individual in question, always with an unseen hand holding some self-serving motivation.

From the Writer’s Workshop: Share something that made you think this week.

Signature
Filed Under: Writing Prompts Tagged With: , , , ,
Next Page »