Bucket list…

The chance to say hello again is a gift, one not to be taken lightly.  

How many of us have had the opportunity to reconnect with family or friends separated by time and circumstances?  I’ve been blessed a great deal this past year which started with my high school reunion and the renewal of many friendships along with several new ones.  Then, something I dreamed would never take place finally did when the son I put up for adoption reached out to find me after forty-seven years, the best gift of all!

There was one more special reunion with someone who had always rested in a soft spot in my mind, a first love that went back to junior high school.  A simple message on Facebook one day opened a door to remembering, laughing and sharing two lives that painfully parted in typical teen-age heartbreak more than fifty years ago.  It was nice to talk once again, as old friends.

We both shared our stories of family drama, things everyone experiences, coping with all that is good, bad or indifferent.   He spoke about not fully understanding how and why things take a negative turn in life, especially his, but he did so with kindness and a certain acceptance that so much of what we deal with is God’s plan.

He had Cancer.  Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma to be exact.  He was in somewhat of a remission when we first started talking, his spirits were great and he spoke often about a favorite movie called “The Bucket List”.  He urged me to watch it and I asked if he had a list of his own, which he most certainly did.  The list was made up of just two things, buying himself a new Mercedes and taking a trip with a close friend to Mackinac Island.  It seems that his buddy was fixated on a movie called “Somewhere in Time” and wanted to visit the Michigan hotel where the film was made.  I smiled to myself, visualizing the two of them heading out on this road trip but encouraged him to grab that proverbial bucket and go! 

As too often happens where Cancer is concerned, things started deteriorating.  Our conversations became fewer as he again started Chemotherapy; it weakened him considerably and his positive spirit desperately struggled with the side-effects of the treatments.  A few weeks ago, I texted him to see how he was doing.  He replied “At hospital, talk later”   I never heard from him again, he passed away on September 1st.

Now, I keep thinking about the whole bucket list deal, about how we all need to have wishes and dreams, just as he did.   What’s important is to act on many of these things while we can.  Just do it!  Enjoy whatever life has to offer while there is still time.  Renew friendships, apologize where needed, make peace and move beyond past transgressions, walk in the rain, savor every sunrise, every sunset and catch snowflakes on your tongue.

Live….like you were dying.



Goodbye, again…


That familiar song played softly in the background, their song; simple lyrics that were once so special,  just to them.   So many years had passed but not the tender memories.  The long separation of time seemed not to exist even though life had taken them in different directions.   Each laughed as they remembered so many things from back then, especially the innocence of their youth.   They shared joyful experiences and spoke of unfulfilled dreams as their realities started drifting into the conversation.   Both silently wondered, imagined, and chose to leave painful things unsaid.

Suddenly, there was nothing more to say except goodbye, again.



From Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop….one of the choices for this week’s prompts was….Write a blog post in exactly 7 lines.  

Not easy for someone like me who loves to write at length, about anything and everything, but it was a good exercise in getting a story out while staying within the guidelines.  I thought back to reunions, especially high school ones; everyone meets, reminisces, and then slowly drifts back into their little corner of the world. 


Mama’s Losin’ It


Happy Birthday…at last!

Research is usually involved when I sit down to write, the norm for most people, I’d imagine.  Sometimes, it’s just to gather up various thoughts that have been expressed on a particular subject or to cite factual data when necessary.

On the subject of adoptions, from a first-mother’s perspective, there are a wealth of websites to be found and the overall tone of what’s shared tends to be dominated by heartbreaking stories with so much regret, so much pain…and searching.

In sharing mine over the years, I cannot say that this has been my state of mind, not completely.  Yes, the heartbreak was there as I thought of so many things about a child who was mine for such a brief time; how had he grown, was he happy, who did he look like, did he know about me and resent me…this last one was major and as years pass, that one thought kept stabbing at my heart.  So many adoptees grow up with feelings of rejection and never have the opportunity to re-connect with their biological parents to learn about their beginnings along with the sacrifices that were often involved with their adoption process.

But, at this very moment, I’m one of the lucky ones now that my wonderful mother and child reunion has taken place after so many years.  To finally put a name on a card and be able to send all the birthday wishes I’ve gathered for so long…to pick-up the phone and say Happy “First” Birthday….priceless!






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