Research is usually involved when I sit down to write, the norm for most people, I’d imagine. Sometimes, it’s just to gather up various thoughts that have been expressed on a particular subject or to cite factual data when necessary.
On the subject of adoptions, from a first-mother’s perspective, there are a wealth of websites to be found and the overall tone of what’s shared tends to be dominated by heartbreaking stories with so much regret, so much pain…and searching.
In sharing mine over the years, I cannot say that this has been my state of mind, not completely. Yes, the heartbreak was there as I thought of so many things about a child who was mine for such a brief time; how had he grown, was he happy, who did he look like, did he know about me and resent me…this last one was major and as years pass, that one thought kept stabbing at my heart. So many adoptees grow up with feelings of rejection and never have the opportunity to re-connect with their biological parents to learn about their beginnings along with the sacrifices that were often involved with their adoption process.
But, at this very moment, I’m one of the lucky ones now that my wonderful mother and child reunion has taken place after so many years. To finally put a name on a card and be able to send all the birthday wishes I’ve gathered for so long…to pick-up the phone and say Happy “First” Birthday….priceless!