Is That All There Is?

July 30, 2021

Dear me, 

This letter is to the future you, written as a response to a prompt from a wonderful group of writers called The Lightning and the Lightning Bug.  In May of 2011, this site was in its growing stages and today, it has become one of the top websites for creative writers on the Internet.  I’m so privileged to be a part of it, still.

Your book, Another cookie, please!, is finally a published work and that dream of leaving it behind for your family has become a reality.  Well, it sure took you long enough!  In past years, your dear friend,  No. 7,  managed to produce three published works, along with another, waiting in the wings, since earning her MFA in Creative Writing, not that I’m trying to criticize you for dragging your heels for so long.

Well, in a way, I am…

Time, that’s your main focus these days, more than ever.  Life is winding down but you need to stop allowing it to consume you, fearing that dementia will creep in and destroy the person you are.  Stop!  You aren’t your mother, just go right over to that big mirror and look at you…in your seventies and your Grand-kids still think that you are one cool Gramma.  Rejoice in that, will you!  Make use of the years that lie ahead, don’t close your mind to new experiences or deprive your family of valued memories that are waiting to happen.

Ten years ago, you didn’t think there would be much of a future as our nation shuddered under the threat of a significant debt crisis.  The dreams you and John shared about vacations and a second home were slowly disappearing as you struggled to maintain a business…and a life.  For a long time, it seemed as if there would be nothing to look forward to as you merely existed, from day to day.

It hasn’t been easy and now you’re  busy packing up years of belongings as you prepare a bittersweet move to what’s often called “God’s Waiting Room”…. Florida.  Not a place you are particularly fond of with its only redeeming quality being the fact that your oldest daughter and family live there.  You will be leaving loved ones behind, four seasons which you cherish and heading for a state with almost constant sunshine, roads dotted with cars driven by headless drivers along with turn signals that blink constantly as they head for some restaurant buffet line, armed with Ziploc bags.  Just think…you will be able to make up for so much missed time with your Florida Grandsons and do all the special things that both boys love about you, even now that they’re older. 

Let’s face it, you never really cared for Putnam County and the town where you built this first home.  In all these years, the same, twisted politics still dominate the quality of life here and the educational system hasn’t progressed much past what it was back in the late eighties.  In thirty-five years, you’ve made acquaintances but very few friends that you deem close.  Patty, you have always been a loner, of sorts; happiest when some type of creation is dancing through your head on its way to your fingertips.

The house is sold and you spend time walking the property, stopping by the little plot of land where your beloved pets rest in their eternal sleep.  You stand on the little bridge down by the brook which is gently roaring due to all the rain lately.   In the backyard, those towering Willow trees bend gracefully in the breeze and John complains that, someday, they’re going to land on the house; he’s been saying that for the past thirty years.  You don’t care, after all, that will be the new owners problem.   Secretly, you hope they have better luck with gardens, flowers and the deer who eat everything that doesn’t eat them first!

As you read this, your mind keeps jumping to those damned thoughts of time, especially..quality time.  The clock on the wall, at times, seems to never move but the pages on the calendar in your office move all too quickly.   Thoughts of how many more years of being needed and functional before really old age strikes with a vengenance and renders you immobile, or unwanted?   Honey, if we all had those answers, we would have the ability to plan the back nine of our lives so much better.  Sad truth is, there are no guarantees.   Life just happens and some things, you can do little to change.  Just make good use of all that is in front of you; keep your mind sharp and that body in motion.     

Don’t give up on that dream about visiting Positano, there’s still plenty of time to hop a flight and head for the Amalfi Coast; make the trip with Emma and Jake when they graduate from college.  Plan some memorable excursions with teen-agers Matt and Jaden; teach them how to drive standard-shift as only you can do.

Let go of your many regrets and find some elusive inner peace with all the positive things that surround you.

Be patient with John.  Work has consumed his entire life, leaving little room for anything else.  The two of you are growing older, together; it hasn’t always been easy but not many couples can boast being married for almost fifty-one years.

Cook, paint and, most importantly, Write!  Keep doing all the things that bring your family pleasure and give you so much personal satisfaction.

Keep in mind that the best still is yet to come and….play this song….

I’ll get back to you… five years from now.

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The Window…

 

Create around one at least a small circle where matters are arranged as one wants them to be…Anna Freud

 

There is so much beyond what I can see

Sitting by this window

Life, twisting, turning. coming full circle

Returning to an empty chair

 

All that I’ve dreamed

Images slowly fading

Reflections of regret

Stare back through clouded glass

 

Memories, hidden in closets

Photographs of, now silent, smiles

Rest neatly, on bureaus and walls

Reminders of pain and joy

 

All that I’ve been

All I still hope to be

Lingers in an empty chair

Sitting by this window

This has been my response to a Flicker of Inspiration Prompt #9: House from The Lightning and the Lightning Bug

                                          

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Dear Me, not yet to be….

                                                     

 

September 7, 1961

 

 

Hey there,

Wow, you’re finally sixteen, a big day in a girl’s life.  Happy Birthday! 

I knew that you would open up that favorite book,  A Girl Can Dream, once again and find this letter that I left for you.  Reading has always been your escape, a doorway that takes you away from the hurt and into a world where you become someone else in a happier story.

I’m sorry that no one made a big deal of this special day and you’re feeling sad.  This is something you should have gotten used to as you’ve grown.  Parties have never been something of importance to your parents and, right now, you’re sitting there on the bed, hoping for a surprise of some sort before the day is over.  It won’t happen, just as with all the birthdays before this one.  You’ll wake up tomorrow morning promising yourself that, someday, things will be different.  Trust me,  any changes in life begin with the decisions you make but, you already know that by now.

For a teenager, you are strong in so many ways, having dealt with things that no young person should have to endure.  Some day, way in the future, you might be able to help others who went through all you have but, for now, it’s so difficult to share that pain with anyone, not even your very best friend, Helene`.

The road ahead won’t be easy and you will make mistakes; we all do.  The important thing is what we learn from these occasional wrong steps and how we manage to become more productive adults in the process.  Remember, no one is perfect!

Right now, you’re experiencing that dizzy feeling of a first big romance and  smile whenever you think…of him.   In time, this flicker of what you think is love will turn to sleepless nights and tears in your pillow, ending when another girl steals him away.  Trust me, that empty feeling in your stomach that makes you ache all over will pass; it will just seem like it’s taking forever.  One day, you’ll look back and think how silly you were in feeling so devastated over that high school romance and feel happy that you didn’t end up with him  You will be happier still that “the other woman” got what she deserved. 

Those dreams you have of  someday leaving home to become a Stewardess, well, they will remain wishful thinking.  And, any hope of college will be quashed by your father who feels, unless you plan on being either a teacher, or nurse, there’s no way you’ll go to school just to earn a “Bachelor of Nothing” degree.     It will be the world of Business for you, so grin and bear it even when you find yourself sitting behind some desk feeling all cooped-up and wanting to do so much more with your life; someday, you will.

Some heartbreak will never fully disappear; you’ll learn that when you reach your twenties and make a choice that will leave a permanent hole in your heart.  Part of you will always be missing but remember that you made the best decision; not everyone could have been as brave.

The endless turmoil at home will end in a few years when your parents finally divorce but as one door closes, another will open and bring its share of conflict.  That too, will pass but not your mother’s dependency on you for years to come.  I promise you that you will get through that, as well.

Marriage?  It will come, along with its ups and downs;  so will children, a home of your own and, someday, grandchildren!  Yes, you, a Gramma and, you will be a very cool one, at that.  Trust me!

Keep writing… even though your mother always finds the notebooks that you keep as journals and throws them away; her belittling of your writing just makes you eager to do it more. She can’t discard your thoughts and memories, no matter how hard she tries.  

I know, you’re sitting here, reading this and wondering how I know so much about you, wanting to believe the hopeful things I’m sharing yet fearful of what is still unknown.   That fear can be paralyzing but you cannot allow it to imprison your spirit and sense of adventure as you explore what this world has to offer in years to come.

Learn to trust; not everyone in your future will be like the hurtful shadows of people in your past.  Learn to love those closest to you and enjoy the beauty of life as it was meant to be.

At this moment, all you want to do is grow up as fast as you can but please, hold on to these precious years of youth for they pass by almost with the blink of an eye.  We’re given a one-shot chance at life without any option to go back and do it again.  Suddenly, one day, there are more years behind us than on the horizon and we’re amazed at how quickly that time has gone.

Remember…hold onto sixteen…as long as you can!

Love,

Patty

 

p.s…..Don’t marry a man who can’t dance!

 

Sharing an older post for my very first link-up with yeah write!

 

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