As one gets older, there is a tendency to hang onto traditions, especially seasonal ones. Once again, I find myself writing about this as the holidays are on their way and pretty much nothing has changed in recent years. Given the upheaval caused by the pandemic invasion and accompanying restrictions a few years ago, much of what had been “the holiday norm” has fallen by the wayside, along with many changes. Then, enter all the political warfare which has followed, many remaining family traditions, and relationships, have sadly disintegrated. I know that mine has. Personally, all of this has left me somewhat upset over various cruelly discarded traditions which have been impacted by outside sources. Plus, there’s such a great deal of overwhelming combativeness that has driven wedges into families everywhere. Plans, you might ask? There really are none. The seasonal sadness is slowly setting in as the real world outside stumbles along.
I keep wondering how other families have, or continue, to deal with all of this. After all, people grow, the family structure changes and life manages to take unexpected turns. Some things just cannot go on forever, I realize this. But, here and now is the time we’ve all been given and forever isn’t part of our long-term picture. I recently shared my frustration with a family member who told me, “well, at least you have your memories.” Really? A vague generalization at best and a somewhat unacceptable statement to share when someone just has a longing to enjoy, experience and make new memories before time runs out.
Before anyone mentally lectures me, I’m well aware that change is inevitable, traditions end and we cease doing things exactly the same, year after year, some for possibly good reason. But, when there is a willingness to be creative, flexible and remain civil and loving towards each other, families can reinvent when change is needed. Am I right? It’s a balance of familiarity and new ideas that keeps holidays feeling meaningful. The big issue is trying to get around so many emotional issues which always manage to rear their ugly heads when the holidays arrive. And, given the ongoing political undercurrent, any glimmer of hope, which might bring a tolerance and acceptance for differing ideas, rather than the cold wars causing divided families, well, that seems pretty damn unlikely to ever occur in many sad situations.
The big question, what to do? Possibly be open to making bigger changes, especially when it’s too emotionally challenging to deal with fractured family situations in the same place, eating the same foods before any traditional loss took place. As painful as it might be, deciding to opt out of certain gatherings altogether might feel more comfortable. Try and keep any anger, any bitterness aside, and attempt to include estranged family members; making any connection with those you are missing can be healing. Or not. At least give it a try. Be the better person and be gentle with each other, keeping in mind that the holidays raise the emotional stakes. It might be hard, even damn difficult, but by attempting to be kind and compassionate with each other as we try to celebrate is important.
Trust me, it’s not always easy but, be gentle with each other, and remember that the holidays raise the stakes. The input from holiday smells and familiar songs makes it easier to remember previous holidays and compare them to our current ones. Those memories and traditions that we might lose can be hard to bear at this time of year. Emotions run high and, as difficult as it may be, being extra kind with each other as we make decisions about how to celebrate is worth the effort, especially with our dwindling trips around the sun.
From the Writer’s Workshop: Tell us about your plans for the holidays. Tell us how the real world affects your writing.
