Line of conversation

Short, sweet and a little in-between; a few conversations overheard while waiting in an endless line at the post office….

#1 – Bedraggled-looking woman in need of a good hair washing…
“I’m so tired of being sick and having kids home because of snow; all they keep asking me is …what are we doing today, Mommy?…..this week they’re gonna watch me lie on the couch and throw up!”

I silently wept for her children…


#2 – Less unkempt-looking woman, very much in need of an eyebrow and lip waxing….
“I’m amazed at how fast my husband beats it out the f*&king; door when these damn kids are home from school.  I swear I’m making a voodoo doll of the sunuvabitch and will stick pins up his ass.”

Obviously, these women knew each other and I could understand why that husband took off from home like a bat out of hell…..

#1 – Bedraggled-woman again…
“These kids shoulda never been off last week; dumbass schools could have just had a two hour delay.”

#2 – Less unkempt-woman again (goes off in another topic direction)…
“Did you hear Brenda’s babysitter got knocked-up?”

#1 – Bedraggled….
“Again?

I perked up; at this point, the conversation was getting very interesting until…

#3 – Large woman wearing purple coat, red leggings, dark brown UGGS that need condemning, stuffs some type of food item in mouth while talking and just butts in..
“Kim, going to Zumba later?”

It was difficult to stifle my evil side, screaming out from within, that only a miracle, not Zumba, could help….

                                                                     
In the meantime, the man in front of me persistently struggles with an even more persistent wedgie while he complains to the man in front of him that “they need to close this f*&kin;’ post office or at least tell these women working here to stop yakking and move faster!”

My observation is that people waiting in line, at least here in Dogpatch, drop the F-bomb a lot…

 

Then…woman with dreadlocks, standing two spots in front of of Wedgie-man, looks back and asks if her place in line could be held.  Wedgie-man kindly acquiesces to her request while giving his jeans one more yank in all the wrong places.

The three women behind me proceed to drop F-bombs as Dreadlock-lady runs past them, out to her car, muttering nasty comments too low for my delicate ears to hear.  My evil side kicks in again wanting to ask  these women if they eat with those mouths.  Obviously, one does as she’s still sucking down the now indistinguishable food item clutched in her hand. 

 Suddenly, out of nowhere, the postal gods send another clerk to the counter and the line moves rapidly.  Dreadlock-lady fails to return promptly so everyone moves forward as if she never existed and does their postal-business.  I finally make my exit.             

Elapsed waiting time: 32 minutes/18 seconds. 

 

On my way by the three sources of interesting conversation, I notice that woman #3 had dropped the wrapper from her eating binge onto the post office floor. 

 

I asked myself….why do I live here?


Today, the US Postal Service announced that it’s planning on closing at least 2000 thousand post offices as well as reviewing the possible shut-down of another 16,000 nationwide.

 

Wedgie-man should be happy.

 

Flicker of Inspiration Prompt #54: Gone Fishin’

The theme this week is “Gone Fishin’” – write a story with an absent-minded character. The name doesn’t exactly fit, but that’s always what’s written on the sign hanging in the empty brain area in cartoon characters’ heads, often following a scene where the “mental bureaucracy” closes up for the day and all the parts of the brain put on their hats and go home.
So that’s your prompt: write a story with a character whose brain-office isn’t fully staffed, so to speak. No lights on in the attic. Twenty-six cards short of a full deck, a few ticks slower than a minute, you get the idea. They don’t have to be outright stupid, just a bit absent-minded, but your character is your business.
Since I’m presently lacking the brain-matter to create a decent response to this prompt, I dug into my archives and decided to share an older post.  Think about the conversations overheard while we stand on line.  Some are downright outrageous with comments from people containing a 1 watt bulb level of mental capacity.
Here, for your reading pleasure is a mix of abject absent-mindedness, brain-matter leakage and downright ignorance,  from a cast of cartoon characters, gathered around the same fishin’ hole, my local post office.
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Colder than Ice!

 

What could possibly be…colder than ice?  Brrrrrr..waking up to an extremely frosty morning here in New York State!
 

I’m sure that, by some weather-related, temperature standards across the U.S., -8 degrees here in the upper sector of The Empire State could be considered downright balmy.  Joking with friends, I just made a comment that, when it warms up to zero, I’m heading outside to sunbathe, armed with Frozen Margaritas.  Everyone is invited over…just bring your own towels for swimming along with an icepick for the pool.

Not a good day for attempting to see if one’s tongue sticks to a metal pole but I’m sure some fool will try it just for their 15 minutes of fame..or however long it takes for some EMS team to remove that stuck organ from its captor.

                                  

The weather services have labeled our current little cold snap as an Arctic Air Invasion while forecasting the potential of a whopper of a mid-week storm heading for the Northeast along with the drama of predicting it will be one more Storm of the Century.

Been there done that…yawn. 

Hey, we’re snow-pros, ready to assume our places in long supermarket lines, struggling to push shopping carts filled with the basics..bread, milk, toilet tissue and beer.  We’ll start cooking everything in our collective refrigerators/freezers, producing enough menu choices to last for at least the next three to five months.  Coal for the coal stoves, wood for wood stoves and fireplaces, electric heaters, kerosene heaters (not many, kerosene is outrageous, surpassing even gas pump prices), oil and propane tanks topped-off as well.

                                                 

After all, we aren’t like various southern states where snow and ice come as a shock; where one, or two, local counties in the deep south have just one snowplow with which to clear roads.  Like I said, we northerners are seasoned experts with that white stuff and all the havoc it can create.

                                                    
We’re ready for whatever Mother Nature hurls at us.  We are tough east-coasters with 4WD, AWD, plows, snow blowers, ice melt, cat litter and every shovel design offered by our local Home Depots.  Most of us have extra gloves, scarves, food items, emergency flares, flashlights and more stashed in our vehicles should we become snow-stranded or suffer an accident.

                                                                  

                                                
                                                                                            

Hunker down and bring it on!  Mommies have time to fortify themselves with some “me time” to bolster their mental defenses before the kiddies are home from school yet again.   It’s Winter almost wherever one looks except for the state of Florida, the only state with no snow events.  Hate this cold weather?  Move to The Sunshine State where the roads are full of cars driven by headless drivers who, when they aren’t driving through the windows of some Chik-fil-a, chug along for miles with the turn signal flashing; where there’s a CVS on every, and I mean every corner; where once thriving orange groves are demolished to make way for another housing development.  The positives are great beaches on both Florida coasts and growing manufactured entertainment produced at Disney, Busch Gardens, Universal and more making the state a wonderful venue for vacations.  

For me, the only endearing part of Florida is the fact that one of my daughters, her husband and my Grandsons live there.  

But…there’s no snow.

                                                                        
Hold on a minute…I’m not Florida-bashing, just making an observation here so…relax all you Floridians!   All I’m saying here is that you can take the girl out of the Northeast but…you cannot take the Northeast out of the girl.  Once this arctic freeze passes, along with a few more snowstorms, we can look forward to Spring…then Summer…and Fall! 

And then…Winter will return.

 

 

    Flicker of Inspiration Prompt #31: Cold

                                         Have you ever been cold?

Almost a year ago we were freezing our posteriors off here in the Northeast.  Beyond cold or any other description of the weather.  Thought this post was worth sharing for this prompt.  Today, January 1, 2012…temperature outside is a balmy 32 degrees.  Haven’t seen snow since a freak storm in October and no precip is on the horizon.  Mother Nature is seriously slacking-off.

 

 

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Things that go bump in the night….

corner ghost
There’s something happening here
What it is ain’t exactly clear
There’s a ghost in the corner… over there
Telling me I got to beware
 

Okay, I borrowed lyrics from a Buffalo Springfield song and added my own spin to them.  Necessity being the mother of invention caused me to do it; that and a strange happening that is currently driving me absolutely bonkers!  How fitting that a poltergeist, of some sort, should be making its presence known in my home just before Halloween.

Actually, it’s damn annoying; I want it to stop and go away immediately! 

I’ll have to admit that I was hesitant to even blog about this given the history of my mother’s Alzheimer’s; there is that underlying fear of heading down the same path to Neverland as she did.  Sharing the few ghostly encounters I’ve had, prior to this most recent incident, have been nothing major but the experiences were very real.  Still, there is my concern that someone might think I’m not playing with a full deck or possibly being a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

What?  You want to hear about them?  Well, you pulled my arm, so here goes….

 
The Missing Eyeglasses

Shortly before he died, my father called from Florida to ask if I wanted his 1940 Buick; he was a car collector and had about four classics that he had restored and exhibited in Boca Raton.  We had an extremely strained relationship and I thought it odd at the time that he would be reaching out, assured that his actions were based on guilt for past transgressions.  He sounded almost insistent at the other end and I agreed to accept the car, letting him make arrangements for its transport to New York.

The call ended with “I’ll talk to you soon, kid”.  It was the last time we ever spoke.  Lloyd C. Smith died less than three weeks later and the pride of his car collection ended up at my home one month after that; a huge green car with running boards, whitewall tires and a back seat large enough to comfortably seat twelve people. 

Exaggeration, sorry.   Make that six, even seven, people.

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“What in hell am I going to do with this!”, I thought.

I did nothing.  The car sat, like a tombstone in our garages and I felt as if it called out to me every time I passed it by.  One night I had a series of dreams all dominated by my father trying to tell me something.  Again and again, he said “car” and kept pointing to his head.  I chalked it up to some Freudian explanation and called my stepmother the next morning to share the dream details.  Without hesitation, she told me that when she drove my father to the hospital before he passed away, he couldn’t find his favorite pair of Ray Bans and their last conversation was an argument about those sunglasses.

The plot thickens here…back to my dream.

I put the puzzle together and went down to the garage, climbed into the old Buick’s front seat and, there on the driver’s side visor were….the missing glasses, wrapped in a piece of paper that had “I’m sorry for everything, kid” written in my father’s handwriting.  He called me “kid” a lot over the years, so much in fact, that I often wondered if ignoring my given name insulated him from being my father and maybe even excused him from that role.

It was…bittersweet, to say the least.  Apologies made too late for them to make a difference by a forgiveness-seeking ghost from my past.  Wherever my father is located in the hereafter, at least he knows his shades were found. 

There hasn’t been another visit from him, in any form, since 1992.

 

My Gettysburg Ghost

A few years back found me visiting Gettysburg one week-end in July.  The entire battlefield is a graveyard, many soldiers were buried throughout the fields and farmlands in that area and the reports of sightings or hauntings have been recorded for years. 

Early on a Sunday morning I got up at the crack of dawn, armed with my old workhorse Nikon camera, and sat in the fields near Bushman Farm. The temps were already beyond warm, the air was hauntingly still. I sat, taking pics of a beautiful sunrise and…suddenly my body started shivering.

Goosebumps were everywhere; hair stood up on my arms and a feeling of intense cold gripped the back of my neck and shoulders. Going with the moment, I softly spoke and asked whoever it was to just sit and talk with me for a while.

The feeling of being enveloped in cold continued for several minutes until a warm breeze came out of nowhere and the cold disappeared.                                                           

Bushman Farm


Bushman Farm was a battlefield, ultimately a graveyard as it so much of Gettysburg.   One more place where so many spirits still roam, reach out and move on.

 
Give me back my Book!!

Several years ago, I blogged about losing my work in a computer crash but….I did have hard copy.  The manuscript was there, in my home office, tucked away in a stunning  leather tote, right next to my computer desk.  In fact, I had been rummaging through that bag while writing a post… Peter and the Iron Horse.  When I was done, all the chapters were put back into their folders and returned to the carryall which was then left resting against my printer stand.

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Shortly after, it was nowhere to be found.

Trust me, I did not move it anywhere and searched every closet in my house and even up in the attic….it vanished without a trace!  What I do remember is waking up startled by a cold breeze one evening after falling asleep watching “Twilight” for the zillionth time.  There, in the darkness, a wave of cold air swept by my face much like a fan during a warm summer night. 
 
So, say you? 

The windows were all closed tightly, say I!

My sanity was, and still is, relatively intact, I’m not forgetful or absent-minded but I am convinced that the skeletons who remain hiding in my closet were somehow responsible, on a rampage to stop me from rattling bones.  This wasn’t a case of thinking an item was misplaced only to find it sitting in some corner…….my book had really disappeared! 

And no one believed me.

 

workshop-button-1From Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop…Write about a time you thought there was a ghost.

This post was written years ago and I share it because of the few unsettling happenings which took place both in the dark and by the light of day.  My manuscript was recovered and the “how” behind its brief disappearance remains a mystery.  Still.

 

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