Man of Stone

He sat in the waiting room, skimming through a few magazines and glanced over at me now and then.  An older man, tall, tired-looking with a silk scarf wrapped around his neck, tied in a loose knot that rested on the collar of his jacket.

Eventually, he came over to the counter and handed me a piece of paper where how much longer will it be was scribbled.  I looked into the shop’s garage, checked with the guys who were installing a new antenna on his car and informed him that it would be another half-hour.  His hand reached up to his throat as he struggled to speak and I realized that he had a prosthetic voice box and handed him a notepad, asking if it was easier to communicate in that manner.  He smiled and told me that he much preferred to have a conversation because people always avoided talking with him, out of concern for his condition; at times he felt as if he were a man of stone, acknowledged by some, ignored by many.

We chatted, slowly, and I became fascinated with all that he wanted to share.  Cancer had robbed him of his ability to talk after he underwent a laryngectomy upon returning from the Amazon River;  he ran guided tours of the rainforest and did a fair amount of gold and woolen trading with the Peruvians.  He told me how he missed his work and longed to return just one more time, if only to say his good-byes to the many friends he had made during his years of travelling. 

Often, he would reach down and write things he wanted to say.  Talking seemed to tire him but he was so eager to continue, to share his stories, with someone willing to listen.  We talked about the new home my husband and I were building upstate.  I explained it was rare for me to be working, most of my days were spent chasing our builder and dealing with the endless paperwork involved in new construction.   Sadly, the antenna job finished more quickly than expected and his car was brought around.  After taking a look, he came back into the showroom to pay his bill and thanked me for our nice conversation.  I watched him pull out of the driveway and thought about what an interesting life he had lived, glad that I taken the time to speak with him.

More than an hour later, he returned to the shop, carrying a package in his hand as he walked back into the showroom.   Here, this is for the home you are building.  It was one of the nicest pieces from my last trip to Lima.  Hang it on the wall , it will bring good luck to you and your family. 

As he drove away, I unwrapped the package to find a beautiful, rustic weaving of a Tumi, a Peruvian symbol of good luck.  It  hangs in the dining room of my home to this day, a reminder of a wonderful conversation with the man who wasn’t stone.

 

 

 

This is a simply-written, but true, story which took place more than twenty-five years ago, on July 11th, 1986.  What I shared here are bits and pieces of a brief conversation that remains etched in my mind to this day.   I often thought of this gentle man, the kindness he extended to me and was able to contact his family to see if he managed one last trip back to the rainforest.  He passed away a short time after our meeting that day. 

 

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There’s a story in my eye…

I wanted to start this story in the conventional way with the old “Once upon a time” but…it actually took place just a few weeks ago when I went shopping at Sephora.  This fabulous cosmetic toy store is stocked full of everything trendy that one can possibly need in the world of beauty products.  And even more you don’t need!

With a well-stocked shopping bag, I trotted through the mall, laughing with my daughter over how we both purchased the same Shishedo eyelash curler, anxious to get home and experiment with new eye shadows and pencils.  My previous encounters with other name brands have always irritated my eyes.  The hope was that I finally scored a hit with the assortment of goodies clutched in my hand.

Like so many times before, the eye-burn returned and I thought to myself that it was the same problem I’ve experienced with various other cosmetics as I looked in the mirror at my reddened right eye.  And suddenly, there it was.  A tiny lump, on my left, lower eyelid.  Mind you, I’ve never been prone to stys or other eye disorders and this lump didn’t hurt, wasn’t red or all sinister-looking…it was just…there.  Mentally, I made a note to contact Sephora because I felt this was caused by their eye pencil.  Still…I wasn’t really sure that was the culprit.

A little internet research brought up things like a Chalazion which seemed harmless enough until I delved into the dreaded “C” word and.. Basal Cell Carcinoma came across the screen.   Now, I’m far from a hypochondriac and avoid the doctor like a plague because my philosophy is..”if it ain’t broke, it don’t need fixin’!” but.. that little voice in my head, well, it just kept talking until I made an appointment with a specialist.

Two weeks later, after an intensive examination and biopsy, it was confirmed that I indeed have an eyelid cancer, localized, which generally does not metastasize but, still a cancer.   More research brought up how common these eyelid cancers are, most caused by excessive sun exposure.   I’ve been a sun-worshipper since I was a child, spent summers on my father’s sailboat and had my fair share of sunburn, always keeping a watchful eye out for questionable spots on my skin in the years since, thankful that nothing ever looked suspicious.  Never, ever, did I give thought to a cancer making a home in my eyelid.

So now, the next steps.  Phase One, Mohs surgery which treats skin cancer through a highly specialized and precise technique that removes the cancer in stages, one tissue layer at a time.   That takes place tomorrow.  Phase Two is the reconstructive surgery the next day.  Both done on an out-patient basis.  I plan on making the surgeon doing the plastic reconstruction swear that I won’t end up looking like Bruce Jenner.  Allow my sarcasm.  It helps override my apprehension as I write about this. 

And, I plan on sending Sephora a thank-you note.  If their eye pencil hadn’t irritated my eyes, the offending lump might have gone unnoticed for quite some time. 

Next time you see me, I’ll be the one in the big hat and dark glasses, ready to tell everyone about the story in my eye.

 

 

 

 

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Right or wrong…

Unless you communicate, it’s difficult to know how to love another person. 

I posted this as my Facebook status this morning as thoughts were rumbling through my head over various conflicts in my immediate world.  It just seemed to fit.

Sometimes, you have to address an issue with a dedicated sense of resolve, even determination, to face a particular conflict…at least halfway.  To barricade oneself in a corner, fists firmly clenched in a combative stance, well, it’s completely counterproductive.  The end result in any ongoing disagreement is that nobody wins.  Anger turns inwards, it hardens your heart as you cover your pain with an emotional blanket.   Beings that once felt love now can only muster indifference, even regret. 

Forgiving someone means making a conscious decision not to hurt that person in face of any hurt they might have caused.  Deep inside you hope the other person will recognize and feel sorrow for their hurtful behavior so that a few positive steps can help you move away from the pain.  And, the halfway thing?  When there is wrong on both sides, meeting someone in the middle, a compromise, can be instrumental in moving forward from the hurt.

Communicate.

 

 

 

 

 

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase each other doesn’t make any sense.”

– Jelaluddin Rumi, 13th century Muslim mystic.

 

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