Tattered

 

She shuffled along with her head down, not looking at anyone, almost oblivious to those who shook their heads and quickly looked away.  The sight of the old woman made them uncomfortable.   Everything she owned was stuffed into a few plastic bags which she kept close to her body as she finally sat to rest on a park bench.  Ragged clothes with shoes that were sizes too large for her feet and a worn hat that had been rescued from a trash barrel.  The lines on her face were evidence of the paths she had traveled in life; once familiar roads that led to dark alleyways where she sought shelter from the world each night and huddled with her memories.

There was a story there, a beginning, middle and so much more that no one knew or cared to learn about.  Had she been a wealthy recluse, running away from a life most fantasize about?  Perhaps a woman deeply hurt by unrequited love or a mother who had lost a child along with herself in the years that followed. 

Lying in a tattered heap of blankets, her tired eyes opened to the sun bringing one more day and she cried… over unanswered prayers. 

 

 

 

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Laughing…through tears

I’m supposed to be a Writer and, for a while, I thought I was one.  So many of us who blog come out blasting in the beginning, sometimes unable to keep up with everything we want to share.  We don’t always care who reads or leaves comments, it’s just satisfying to sit back and read our thoughts staring back on the screen in front of us.

Then, the doldrums hit.  Words stop flowing and we keep meaning to sit down and get busy with our chosen passion.  We want to write but don’t, start yet never finish and agonize over a dozen promising posts that gather cobwebs in our drafts folder.

Recently, someone I greatly admire mentioned that she missed me, asking if I was okay.  Just that one message stirred me, deeply, and I started wading through various outlines I’ve been ignoring.  Still, I continued to find excuses to write, allowing life to keep getting in my way instead of giving it free reign to whet my creativity.

Yesterday, at the salon where I work, a man called to make an appointment for his wife, explaining that she was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease and that he wanted to do something special for her before taking her on a “Doo Wop Cruise” in a few weeks.  He sounded so confused, explaining that he had reached out to the Alzheimer’s Organization for help and received nothing but mailings asking for donations along with information on subscribing to their publication.  Having experienced the same response when my late mother was diagnosed, I understood his complete frustration.  He went on to explain that his wife is just 63 years old and is suffering from early onset Alzheimer’s,  a form of dementia that often moves more rapidly than what strikes the elderly.  I gave him all the short term advice that I could during our twenty-minute conversation and scheduled time for his wife with one of our best salon stylists.

Shortly after, I had the pleasure in having a conversation with one of those people who really listen, you know, the ones who ask questions and stay totally involved in what you have to say?  We briefly spoke of my writing and how this blog came to be born; we spoke about Alzheimer’s and my difficulties in being a caregiver, how I often laugh in the midst of the chaos in my life.   My inspiration became re-invented when she said…”laughing, through tears”…the title of this long overdue blog post.  I thank you, “Melanie Cricket”, and hope you stop by to read my humble offerings!

So, where have I been?  Like so many others, dealing with things I’m unable to control.  An emotional fracture, caused by foolish disagreements and outright vindictiveness, which has impacted a long-standing friendship of forty years; painful endings of new beginnings; our miserable economy and, worst of all, cancer hitting much too close to home with the recent diagnosis of my husband’s brother, his only sibling.  Each passing day has been full of debates and lectures, mixed-in with a dose of depression that lingers in the background, waiting to pound its gavel down on my existence.

It’s not the end of my immediate world, not by any means.  Countless other human beings have so much more to deal with and I’m reminded about “There but for the grace of God…” when I feel so overwhelmed.  My heart breaks and tears mix with anger over the young girl from Colorado who was robbed of the chance to grow into the beautiful woman she should have been, for those who struggle to survive on a daily basis, for those who cry for help and no one listens.

All of this will pass and I will laugh whenever possible, but, my tears won’t be far behind.

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So long, Mr. Chip…

 

 

Huge drifts of snow blanketed the deck, the air outside was bitterly cold and the wind found a way to force its icy fingers into my home.   I shivered when I heard the voice on the kitchen radio advise parents to bundle-up the kids before sending them out to wait for the school bus.  An arctic freeze, he called it, not fit for man nor beast.  It was one of the coldest Northeast winters in several years.

 

Looking out the back door, I noticed little footprints that told me some creature managed to plod its way through the frozen tundra and seek shelter under the covered patio furniture.  Curious, I grabbed my jacket and headed out to look but didn’t get far.  Within seconds, a large tabby cat frantically ran by me, making his way through the snow like a downhill skier.  Peeking under the table, I saw that he had been making himself a comfy spot on one of the chairs, a safe place from the bitter weather and predators who roamed the nearby woods.

Quickly, I went back inside and gathered up blankets to provide more warmth for when he returned.  Within minutes, my hands were getting numb from the cold and I hurried to make a suitable bed, hoping that I hadn’t permanently scared the cat away.  I decided to leave a bowl of dry food, along with some water, during the daytime in case he returned, sure that he was somewhere watching, from a safe distance.

 

He was. 

 

Soon after I went back inside I looked out the window and saw him peeking at the top of the deck stairs; he made a bee-line under the table and I could see him almost inhaling the food that I set out.   A new friendship was made and our cautious deck-dweller was given the name of “Chip”, something we thought our spoiled inside cat, Dale, would appreciate.

Chip seemed to enjoy his surroundings and made it through the winter without incident.  As the snow melted, he would sit by the kitchen door and emit a Siamese-type cat meow.  He was chubby, his fur badly matted, and remained very skittish until…our inside cat came by the door.  I anticipated hissing, growling and other feline disagreements but Chip rubbed against the screen and just meowed while Dale gave a whatever-look and walked away. This activity went on daily and when Spring arrived, Dale managed to get outside and I feared the worst between the two males.  As I watched, the two acknowledged each other and headed off to explore the backyard kingdom.   Eventually, I managed to coax Chip inside on a stormy day and he and Dale became inseparable, both coming whenever they were called, eating, sleeping and begging at the dinner table…together.

This all came to pass back in 2009.   Today I sat and thought back to how we labeled Chip & Dale our Odd Couple; Dale, neat and clean,  much like Felix Unger and…Chip, rough around the edges, so like Oscar Madison.  As his confidence grew, I managed to give Chip a little grooming and he came to trust us all enough to sleep on the bed with enough room to escape if he felt threatened.   Life took a good turn for him and there were days that I swore he looked up at me with gratitude, allowing me to gently rub his head before he scooted away.

Earlier this year, Chip started losing weight.  At first my hubby thought it was because I had brushed so much of his matted fur away over time.  His appetite was normal, for a semi-feral cat still adapting to having regular meals that didn’t have a tail on them.   Chip seemed to be drinking more water than usual and we passed that off to our very hot summer this year.  In July, my daughter Jill set up an appointment with her Veterinarian and we managed to grab Chip and get him in a carrier for the trip.  Tests were run and showed that he was Diabetic; he returned home with a supply of insulin, syringes,  specialized cat food and a bad attitude.

Caring for a completely domesticated animal is relatively easy compared to cornering a terrified, moderately wild cat to administer injections twice daily.  At first it went smoothly but Chip became wise to the procedure and hid wherever he could.  No animal can understand a human trying to help them survive and I questioned his quality of life in feeling so stressed by my chasing him around the house.

Last week-end, Chip suffered a diabetic episode and with my daughter’s help, we got him through it, even managing to give him his insulin.  Early this past Monday morning, he took a turn for the worse with his best buddy Dale sitting by his side.  I decided not to let him suffer further. 

He’s back home with us now, under a big tree, resting with other members of our fur family.  Dale keeps looking under the bed and out the window,  he glances over at Chip’s feeding bowl but hasn’t gone near it to nibble.   I think, in some animal way, Dale is grieving for his friend.

So are we.

 

Dale (on the left) and Chip. The Odd (Cat) Couple.

 

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