We’ve all been asked a question in various situations, call them “conversation starters” or possibly a genuine attempt by someone who is anxious to know you, to learn about what makes you tick! Frankly, there’s never just one question as each one answered opens the door to many others!
The very basic “interrogations” start with asking about the work that you do, if you like your job and was it something you wanted to do when you grew up. My response is usually a semi-hard “pass” which generates more questioning as the inevitable “why” barges into the conversation. Let’s face it, I doubt many of us still out in the workplace are planted in an ideal situation, for most, it’s a matter of survival, on many levels. Of course, this is all followed up by someone asking about retirement plans, if so, when and how you feel about it. At times, it’s difficult to help another understand the motivation to continue working and replying with any type of satisfactory response can be exhausting.
So, I politely smile and change the subject.
The banter then stumbles along, moving along to health issues, if there are any and how do you cope with them. Of course, before any response can be given in this exchange, one must hear about all the other individual is going through, has experienced or hopes they never will. It seems that no matter what illness or affliction one might share, the subject of death rolls in and questions about believing in an after-life, having regrets, last wishes and wanting to be remembered come flying at you.
Once again, I smile and hurriedly change the subject.
The conversational inquisition continues and questions about any important people in your life are asked, a somewhat lighter exchange where there’s a sharing of happiest moments, sad moments, regrets, funny stories and people who have greatly influenced you. Talk about lessons learned and proud moments, all combined into memories you would like to hold on to forever plus questions about how you wish to be remembered. What is most intriguing, and often asked, is if you could talk to a younger version of yourself, what would you say? This is reason to pause and think about all any of us wish could have been different and better, the mending of unresolved issues, fewer sad goodbyes, more kindness, understanding, and patience. With each day that we walk this earth, that “What if” thought tends to cross our minds in so much that we imagine and remember.
With that, I just smile, walk off and imagine talking to my thirteen-year old self. She understands me.
From the Writer’s Workshop: What question have people recently being constantly asking you?
Friends, foes; the pretense.
Both circumstances and individual needs is a matter of personal preference where having either a large group of friends or a few, very close, friends are concerned. The diversity of a large social circle exposes us to different ideas, cultures and ways of thinking which benefit our individual creativity and problem-solving skills. On the other hand, having just a few close friends offers us deeper emotional support and connection as close friends provide a strong sense of belonging, purpose and help us cope with difficult times and feelings of loneliness. Of course, there are two schools of thought here, the right balance; either having a few high-quality friendships can be more important for well-being than having a large network in life. The ideal number and type will vary for each of us. Somewhere, in the middle, lies the grey area surrounding all personal interactions.
Strong relationships take time and effort to nurture and maintain and there’s an “11-3-6” rule in friendship which suggests that it takes 11 encounters, each lasting 3 hours over a period of 6 months to turn any acquaintance into a true friend. This idea is based on the concept that building a strong friendship requires consistent time and interaction. Ideally, we all strive to focus on cultivating a manageable number of positive and supportive friendships, either with just a few close friends or a larger group who provides us with meaningful connections. The most important aspect of any friendship is finding those relationships that provide us with connection, support and positive feelings.
Feelings, the operative word here. Actually, gut feelings which play a tremendous role where relationships and friendships are concerned; while a valuable tool for decision making, it’s not always reliable. These feelings, our intuitive sense, can be a valuable tool for both decision-making and navigating friendships, helping us to identify red flags or potential issues. Of course, trusting our initial instincts is a protective mechanism when there’s a sense of uneasiness or honesty of another person.
Intuition steps in if any new or existing friendship consistently makes you feel anxious or uncomfortable and it’s wise to listen. A sense that someone is trying to control, even manipulate you is like a red flag, likely trying to alert you to potential issues. Words and actions which don’t align, stories constantly changing, all trigger your intuition and picking up on dishonesty. Don’t ignore any persistent, negative, feeling about someone, even if you’re unable to put your finger on the exact reason. Pay attention to how an individual’s presence makes you feel physically and emotionally, such feelings may align with your intuition. Observe their actions, how they treat you and others, how they look to create drama in situations in order to gain some misguided quest for attention. Sometimes, it’s advisable to try and have an honest conversation with that person, expressing concerns while avoiding accusations; speak with trusted friends or family members to get their insights.
Where all friendships are concerned, definitely trust your gut but always be open to learning. It’s important to trust our intuition but never lose sight of the fact that it is not perfect. Remain open to challenge those gut feelings, give people a chance while always being mindful of your boundaries.
“Friends, foes; the pretense” hints at the complex and often deceptive nature of relationships. It suggests that appearances can be deceiving, and those we perceive as close friends, even just acquaintances, might harbor ill intentions with a hidden agenda.
From the Writer’s Workshop: What is more important to you, having a bunch of friends or having a couple of very close friends? Explain. How well do you trust your gut feelings?