Carol Burnett once described giving birth as similar to…”taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head”. I’d say that was a pretty fair assessment of the entire process.
When my first daughter was born, in 1972, the Lamaze technique wasn’t encouraged by my Obstetrician regardless of how much I insisted on using that method. Little did he, or I, know that Jennifer would make her entrance 61 minutes after the first labor pains started but drugs were administered just the same. Once I emerged from anaesthesia, “Dr. Bozo” had the audacity to comment “how we could have done this drug-less” since, in his opinion, I was one of those women who have fairly spontaneous deliveries. Jennifer Ann weighed-in at 8 lbs. 4 oz.
I changed physicians after that….
My husband and I attended Lamaze classes when our second daughter was on her way, carrying pillows each week to sit on the floor and practice along with twelve other couples. I remember one husband constantly asking what the best method was to “cut the umbilical cord” and everyone in the class cringed at the thought of this man delivering his own baby. He spoke endlessly, as well, about employing the Leboyer method of delivery, in the bathtub; his wife had a due date before any of the others in our group. Much to everyone’s relief, our birthing coach later informed us that he managed to deliver his son without incident. Those of us who were still in the class practiced our breathing, timed fake contractions and each couple looked forward to the experience.
Shortly after our last session, I awoke to rumbling labor pains during the night and we rushed to the hospital, anxious to put all our birthing knowledge to the test. The only issue was…each stabbing, gut-wrenching, teeth-grinding jolt of pain came in two-minute intervals and…our second child was born 31 minutes after our hospital arrival. No drugs and little chance to use the calm, controlled birthing methods that we learned in Lamaze class. The delivery room nurse probably never realized how close she came to serious bodily injury after she kept patting my hand while telling me to take deep breaths and NOT push!
Push I did….. Jill Amanda weighed-in at 8 lbs., 7 oz.
Three years later, I was pregnant again. Why not? As an only child with a mother who thought I was out of my mind to do so…..I liked having babies
Really…I did!
Working late into the night on September 23, 1978, my husband and I were preparing to open our new business. A warm, muggy Saturday night had me staining doors, standing on swollen ankles complete with a big belly that had smudges all over it as I kept bumping into freshly-painted walls. Now and then, what I thought were Braxton-Hicks contractions took my breath away but I continued painting, and paining, until 2 in the morning. Finally home, I climbed into bed only to have my water break; shortly after, contractions started coming less than 3 minutes apart. A call to my doctor brought a response of “it’s probably false labor, go to the hospital if you feel the need”…and we were off! To this day, I remember my husband driving on the wrong side of the street as I almost gave birth in the car.
My doctor never made it to the hospital in time; a Midwife delivered our son and also kept my husband from the delivery room; “hospital rules” according to her that didn’t allow for a birthing coach when the physician of record was not present. When “Dr. Know-It-All” finally arrived, he complained to my husband that I had…”waited too long before calling him”. I was surrounded by a cranky doctor and an even-crankier husband who still complains that I kept him from seeing his son being born. I remind him that at least he was there for the conception…
Water breaking + Contractions = 16 minutes- total time elapsed – start to finish!
John Alexander weighed-in at 8 lbs., 4 oz.
Today…..is his birthday and I can honestly say that having each of my children has been a labor…of much love!
I have to be nice to each of them because they will be taking care of me in my old age.
