Some reasons to be missed…

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
‘Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I’m done here?

From the moment I first heard it, this song, from the movie “Twilight”, captured my soul.  Haunting words and music that run through my mind as I rush through these golden years frantically trying to put my little world in order.

I don’t know if it’s just me, at this stage of my life, wondering about what I’ll leave behind.  Not material things, mind you, but the quality of memories in the minds of those closest to me, the people I’ve loved in my lifetime.

So much of what we speak about, on an almost daily basis, involves time; never having enough of it and painfully watching it speed past us with each passing year.

I worry about the mistakes I’ve made which might overshadow any of the positive things I’ve accomplished.  Let’s face it, when someone dies, everyone gathers to celebrate that departed life, in some fashion.  And then, time passes, softening the sorrow and sentimental imagery.  Painful thoughts, like sharp pricks of a pin, bring reminders of unhappy times, causing people to deliberately not think about that name engraved on a slab of marble.  That name, which once represented a loving human being, all too often, ends up being forgotten in a crowded field of hallowed ground.

We clean out our closets and attics, ridding ourselves of needless accumulations.  As our mortality stares back at us in a mirror, we rush to mend broken family fences or renew old friendships, keeping a wary eye on that mystical hourglass of time.  Why don’t we have this fear when we’re young enough to change things and mold our lives in a more positive direction?  This so-called wisdom we achieve in later life could be put to so much better use when there is an expanse of time still to be enjoyed…and fulfilled.

I want to be remembered, not with tears but with smiles.  Spare me any resentment, please don’t allow my memory to harbor thoughts of anger or emptiness; any of this would mean that my time on earth was wasted.

For now, I’m working very hard on some reasons to be missed.

So if you’re asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest

From The Writer’s Workshop: Take a line from a song you love and turn it into the title of your next blog post. 
I cheated a bit here, no, make that more than just “a bit”.  This post was first written several years ago and shared again for another response but it continues to hold true.  There really wasn’t anything I felt needed changing.  As they say, the melody lingers on and the words, the thoughts, still apply. There isn’t another song I love more.
 
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Little thanks…

       Who does not thank for little will not thank for much. ~Estonian Proverb

 

This is the first year since I’ve been married that I’m not in panic mode on Thanksgiving Eve.  No, it’s not because I’m perfectly organized with all the holiday prep, ready to leap from the starting gate tomorrow morning for a day of cooking.  We’re invited to join extended family for dinner and my house is hauntingly quiet.  A huge turkey won’t be stuffed with apples and fresh herbs before roasting for hours tomorrow, pies aren’t bubbling away in the oven, the wonderful smell of sage isn’t lingering in the air and the dining room table isn’t dressed in its usual festive tablescape. 

 

I’m not complaining, not at all.  Actually, I am grateful, in many little ways.  Taking a step back from all the turkey day work is giving me the opportunity to sit and think about things.  Not having to focus on making everything perfect is giving me a much needed pause, time to remember what Thanksgiving is about and…what I’m truly thankful for this year.

Months ago, we lost a cousin, a beloved member of our family but her spirit often presents itself in many different ways.   Fond memories of her frequently bring smiles and laughter when we recall happy times in years past.  We are all thankful she was such a part of our lives. 

Four of them; one stunningly beautiful girl and three incredibly handsome boys.  From the moment they were born, I gave thanks for the privilege of being their grandmother.  I rejoice in their achievements, obsess over little difficulties and make every exhaustive effort to spoil them rotten because…I can!  (I would be remiss if I wasn’t thankful to my daughters and their spouses for making my grandchildren possible.  Also, much appreciation to my patient husband for his part in the creation of the above two daughters…and a son.   I’ll stop here as this sounds like a drawn-out award acceptance speech.  Just sayin’)

Last, but not least…Reconnecting!   That word, in itself, just sings out with thanks!  This year, I had the pleasure of finding family in California and a cousin I didn’t know existed who lives in Washington.  We’ve been busy sharing old photographs, family history and learning so much about each other.   Then, when I didn’t think it could get any better, a 50th high school reunion graced me with the renewal of many friendships and the start of brand new ones.  What’s that, you say…everything old becomes new again?  Definitely.  Nothing compares with the chance for new beginnings!

Next year at this time I’ll hopefully be in the throes of pre-Thanksgiving madness once again and if some writing prompt surfaces along these same lines, I probably won’t have the time to sit and share my thoughts.  For now, it was nice to give little thanks for so very much.

 

 

 

Mama’s Losin’ It

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If you really must know…

 

I will assume that you have some deep-seated desire to learn a bit more about me since you stopped by to read this.  If not…please just pretend, okay?

Aside from what’s stated in the “About Me” section of my blog, and in various posts I’ve shared, there are a few more items that define who I am.  As with most of us, there are more that can fall into the wishful thinking category.  Those unfulfilled dreams. 

 

What you don’t know about me.

1.     I’m a registered Republican, once a registered Democrat.  Let me emphatically state that the philosophies from both parties make me cringe at times.  Honestly, I do make every attempt to sweep up some crumbs of sensibility from all the ramblings each faction puts on the political table when I vote.  What can I say?  Don’t judge me.

2.    I have ADD.  Grew up in a time where the nuns in parochial school gave children the strap or made them stand in the coat closet if they didn’t pay attention or do their work.  Somehow, I made it this far and managed to channel my disorder into something positive with a degree in Business and a license in Cosmetology, plus a whirlwind of projects that circle over my head, spinning furiously, all at the same time (but never quite get finished).  It works, for the most part.

3.    Do. Not. Laugh.   I am a certified mechanic.  Went to General Motors Training School back when I was racing my hot rod in the 60’s.  The big issue is that I’m quite capable to work on most vehicles from way-back-when but, modern day computerized-everything vehicle technology?  Fuggedaboutit.

4.    Tripe.  I despise it.  No further explanation needed on this one.  Please don’t ask but feel free to read an old post on this subject.

5.     I don’t have many dreams left to dream.  Yes, a line right out of the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer cartoon classic, I know.  At this stage of my life, the focus is on survival, of gathering-up the loose ends of my life and possibly, somewhere in between all of this, there might be a few adventures waiting in the wings.  Before I get my wings, hopefully.

 

Things I know about (to the point of being obnoxious).

1.     Cooking.  Good is as good does and I wear that well.

2.     Photography.  Digital cameras and camera phones can’t hold a candle to work I’ve done with my Nikon F3.  I do miss my Kodachrome.

3.     Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers.   This grandma still rocks out to American Girl.  I rock.  Period.

4.     1966 Pontiac GTO’s.  THE hottest muscle car of all times.  At least mine was.

5.     Alzheimer’s disease.   I was a bystander to the brutal rampage of this vicious disease, watching both with anger and sadness as it turned my mother into a stranger.  My experiences fueled my need to write, a book (not yet completed) and the creation of this blog. 

 

What I know nothing about (and maybe care never to learn).

1.     Where Jimmy Hoffa is

2.     Mountain climbing

3.     Calculus

4.     Hair removal threading

5.     Archaeology

 

What I really, really believe.

1.     Paying it forward.   I expect nothing in return except the satisfaction from sharing a good thing.

2.     There is a secret, one-sock-eating, compartment in all clothes dryers. 

3.     There is life elsewhere in this universe where strange beings observe us while laughing and shaking their antennae at how we are destroying this planet of ours.

4.     Death.  After life.  That’s it.  Exit stage left.  Bring down the curtain.

5.     Santa Claus.  Yes, I still believe.

 

Thanks to Mama Kat’s for the prompt-inspiration that helped generate this post.  It was an entertaining and fun writing workout that I sorely needed.  Have to admit that it was difficult to come up with 5 of anything about me.   I learned a few things about myself that I either didn’t know or had forgotten about!

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