April Fools

Yup, it’s been one of those weeks..again; not just for me but for many of those around me, it seems.  From my blog-buds to those I can reach out and touch, everyone has been dealing with some evil Court Jester in one form or another, surviving daily havoc involving children, illnesses and just the struggle to get through one more day.

Given that, I decided to put together a list of April Fools; people that are around every day of the year but , here in Bloggy Land, they deserve a special tribute on this first day of April.

Right off the top, let me start with…
                             The Coupon/Free Offer Jesters

Offering nothing more creative, they land on various blogs with this… “Follow Me, I’ll Follow You” or “Visit my blog for great offers on bullshit you never wanted, don’t need and which isn’t worth a crap”.   I doubt if they ever really stop to read anything on the blogs they land on, don’t take the time to learn about the special person behind the blog, they just copy and paste their meaningless one-liners from site to site.  What irks me the most is when I see these self-absorbed Jesters post their inane comments on the blogs of friends who take time to write some incredible stories or share an incident from their lives, wanting nothing more than to just vent.

Well, that brings me to the next level…
                  The Thought-Less-Said-The-Better Jester

You’ve seen their comments; hollow words left on a blog when someone shares feelings about losing a baby, not being able to conceive,  dealing with a child struggling with some mental dysfunction or being frustrated over not finding a job.  “What will be, will be”, “It just wasn’t meant to be”, along with other idiotic, pointless words that reek of not really giving a damn about another person’s suffering.  Tell you what, how about offering something more significant that supports those sharing their hurt in the way of a prayer, good thoughts or…shut the eff up and refrain from leaving a comment at all? 
Sound like a plan?  Good; now go away!

My favorite…The Asinine Title for a Blog Jester

This one possesses little, if any, literary talent but, somehow, manages to plant their ass on some site and gets everyone else in their trailer park to sit around all day and vote for them.  You’ve seen them….”Nipples and Krispy Kreme Donuts, WTF!”; they go on to describe themselves…”Who me? I’m just a mom of 14 kids, all different fathers, doing it all by my lonesome…..Vote for Me!” 

The worst part is, some of these mental midgets scour the really decent blogs and then post crude and negative comments about some of the truly talented writers.  Am I missing something here or can someone explain to me just what the appeal is for what these underachievers put out for public consumption?  Why is voting for a truly fabulous blog overshadowed by these competitive, jealous vote-padders who contribute so little to the world of decent writing?

Hell, when did Blogging become a competition anyway?

Let’s not overlook this one
          Rainbows and Sunshine Shoot Out of My Butt Jester 

They never have a bad day, their children are geniuses (and perfectly behaved); they pass gas and their husbands think it’s music playing.  These women have the perfect life, perky boobs, firm ass, thin thighs, don’t need to diet or exercise and… visit a spa, monthly, to get rid of their stress!  Stress?  Like what… breaking a nail?

Enough!!!    I’m making myself nauseous here just writing this crap!

These Jesters look down on anyone who tells the truth; that means you, and you over there and, most definitely….me!  For them, life is some mentally-manufactured Utopia that they have created for themselves and want others to believe really exists.  There aren’t many of us who lead charmed lives and I have the utmost respect for any blogger who writes about the realities, shares tears, laughter and still manages to count their blessings throughout their darkest hours.  

Yes, this has been one of my rants; it’s been simmering for the last few days, just coming to a boil as I sat down to write this post.  After reading what several of my favs shared recently, I realized that we’ve all been on the same page with our feelings.  Life has been pretty twisted lately. We have all had enough, would like a change, a night out, laughter and some great Wine. 

Next week, we’ll go back and do it all again, this time, giving the finger to all those April, and everyday, Fools.

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Mango Pineapple Mojito

How about a Mango Pineapple Mojito for a lovely twist on the classic Mojito recipe?

Lime juice, mint and simple syrup, mixed with 2 delicious tropical fruits, create a concoction that is perfect for summer entertaining.

You will need:

2 1/2 oz pineapple flavored rum
1 1/2 oz lime juice
1 1/2 oz simple syrup
6 mint leaves
2 tbsp Mango Puree
Garnish: pineapple wedge and leaf

Then:

Shake all ingredients vigorously in a cocktail shaker with ice.
Strain the mixture into a thick cocktail rocks glass with a generous serving of fresh ice.
Garnish with a pineapple wedge and a pineapple leaf before serving.

                                “Salud, Amor y Dinero”

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It’s time for…Easter Bread!

This seasonal favorite is just so much fun to make around Easter each year and is actually great anytime if you omit the whole raw eggs which nestle into whichever bread-braid you design.  Adding a sugar glaze is optional but a nice twist if you sprinkle on some orange zest.

                                     

Easter Bread

1 cube butter (4 ounces)
2 cups milk
2 packages Rapid Rise yeast
3 whole eggs and 3 egg yolks
2 cups sugar
teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons anisette liqueur or brandy
1 teaspoon vanilla
grated zest of one lemon
8 cups flour or more if needed

Whole Eggs in the shell, to bake in the bread
1 egg, beaten with 1 teaspoon of sugar (for egg wash)
Nonpareils to decorate (optional)

  • Melt the butter with the milk.  Add the yeast in the warm milk (make sure it is not hot) and stir to dissolve the yeast.
  • In a large bowl, mix the whole eggs and egg yolks with the sugar, salt, olive oil, anisette, vanilla and lemon peel.  Add the warm milk with butter and yeast to the egg mixture. Slowly add the flour and stir with a fork to incorporate all the flour.   Mix with your hands and add more flour if needed until the dough is no longer sticky.
  • With the dough placed in the bowl, cover with plastic wrap and let it rise until doubled in size, about one hour.
  • Shape the dough into ropes and braid into the various shapes.   Nestle the whole eggs in their shells in the braids and cover with thin ropes of dough.   Let the dough rise again for another hour.
  • After the second rise, brush the dough with the egg wash.  Decorate with nonpareils if you desire.

  • Bake at 350 F for 25 to 30 minutes.

Be creative with your braid….a round or oblong loaf, small loaves, a long twist….have fun!  Your family will love it!

Buona Pasqua!

                                                             

                                               

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