the shadows

Right now, I’m on weather-overload after watching endless updates on the massive storm that hit the Northeast.  During the night, as the wind howled, I looked outside to see powerful swirls of snow sweeping across the front lawn.  There was a strange sense of calm as the world outside shivered under an icy blanket of white.  Times like these find me doing a lot of thinking.  And remembering.

Last year saw an end to special things in my life.    Some I understand while other situations make no sense.  Loss, on any level, never does.  And, it’s not about me, as I’m often reminded  For the most part, I’m an outsider to so much of what I’m unable to control.  Still, there are many things that I wish could be changed.  Facing one’s mortality creates a desire to bring an element of peace and structure to those we love. The need to leave something positive behind.   Selfish, I know.  For me, it’s like not leaving the house until the beds are made, dishes done and door securely locked.  Call it my need to tie up all the loose ends in my life.

Early this morning, I sat as the darkness of night surrendered to a new day.  Smiles peeked from the shadows and I recalled certain laughter that once echoed through my home.  For a brief time, there had been a sense of completeness with friends you could count on and a family that was growing. 

People change and move on, often, for good reasons.  Other relationships end on an opposite note and I find myself spending countless hours trying to understand the dynamics of why it happened.  All I can come up with is that we give up too easily sometimes.  Or, maybe, some things just aren’t worth the fight.

At this point in my life, yes, I’m selfish.  I wanted so much more.  More than just the shadows.








  1. May says:

    The darkness of night surrendered to a new day….

    May this be a metaphor that plays out in your life in the coming year.


  2. Yvonne says:

    “…the darkness of night surrendered to a new day…” —i love this line! wishing you love and light. -and don’t feel bad for your feelings, i too, have grown selfish and i too, want/wanted so much more.

  3. Sometimes those small things–the making of beds, the dishes done–really do help bring order and set the tone. Love those details in the midst of a post dealing with heavier subjects. The dark and the light, the large and the small all do seem to be in balance sometimes. Lovely post.

    • Patty says:

      Thank you, Kirsten. I was anxious to be part of the link-up but, unfortunately, didn’t take notice of the rules regarding dating of posts. I do appreciate your sweet comments just the same!

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