It’s all…relative


One thing any writer quickly learns is that the words you share aren’t always met with approval from others, especially family members.  However factual a story that one relates might be, there is always a different perspective from another source.  So be it.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect that.  Respect what I have to say as well.

The years in dealing with my late mother as she struggled with Alzheimer’s were beyond difficult, the same as it is for anyone standing helplessly by as the disease creates a stranger where a loved one once stood.   It was during that time that I made the decision to document every incident and write my book of memoirs.  I don’t have to get long-winded about the amount of detail that goes into writing any book but one must always state the facts, without exaggeration, without innuendo and without malicious intent.  But, for me, there are times when some undercurrent of anger becomes pervasive.

I have journals with endless notes that chronicle my late mother’s medical and other issues as well as any interactions with her siblings.   Here on my blog, I’ve shared several chapters of my book and it was no surprise to me when a ghost-relative landed on a particular post while doing a Google search and elected to voice their opinion.  They were certainly entitled to do so but…the facts remain and I firmly stand my ground with anything that I’ve written.

There are always multiple sides to any story and people will believe what they choose, what makes them feel justified in a given situation.  As family relationships ebb and flow, the emotional tide of reason is anything but constant.  Enter an illness and all too often the confusion and fear associated with fleeting mortality tends to impact sensibilities.  Blood connects us as families, for the most part.  Years without communication drastically changes those dynamics. 

That is… until curiosity is piqued by an Internet search.

  workshop-button-1From Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop…Update and republish a blog post you wrote during the month of May in a previous year.

I wrote this post in May of 2012.  Nothing has changed since then and it never will.  Mixing memories with any so-called perspective involved doesn’t result with the true facts of many situations.  Especially when it comes to already-fractured families and, sadly, when a serious illness is involved.  What should bring people closer together often widens the rift of separation. 



  1. This is so true. Amazing how they become interested and don’t hold back when they can hide behind the Internet. Stopped by from Lighting and Lightning Bug.

    • Patty says:

      When some are not directly involved in a situation, as was the case with this relative, they reacted based on information they were given. Totally acceptable, no fault found with that but…I was on the other end, with my own information.

      Thanks for stopping by, Mel!

  2. Faye says:

    Hi Patty, thank you for constantly helping me to see some things I have suppressed for years. You write so honestly, its hard to wait for your next entry. I truly enjoy reading your blog /Faye

    • Patty says:

      I’m so honored that you follow my Blog, Faye. Stick with me kid and we’ll stand together and watch any suppression go down in flames.

      Hugs, dear friend!

  3. I know this situation all too well, except of in our case it was more about facebook and less about a real book regarding my Grandmother.
    I love your style of writing, and am looking forward to reading more!

    • Patty says:

      As I wrote, it’s so difficult for anyone directly involved in the care of someone with an illness. People not in the immediate family circle are quick to criticize, mostly because they don’t understand..or find it hard to deal with the decline of another. My mother was pretty much a creature of habit and I’m guilty of passing her behaviors off to “old age”, never fathoming that Dementia had come to take her away. Any communication I had with her family involved their sharing of some issues when she was in their company but not those involving her giving away several personal possessions. Certainly not the crime of the century but it was upsetting, just the same when the discovery was made. Items were eventually returned but the hurt remains.

      That’s why I write, to share with everyone coping with any Dementia-related disorder. Be pro-active in monitoring everything that concerns your loved one and, maybe, in the process, keep family ties from becoming unraveled.

      Thanks for your comments, Dawn!

  4. Hold your ground and share your feelings. This forum belongs to you and, if you’re anything like me, this venting of sound, honest feelings can be quite cathartic.

  5. May says:

    Blogging involves this strange juxtaposition of private thought and world wide access. It never occurred to me that some of your relatives (or mine for that matter) might inadvertently land on your site. I am sure once one did more would follow.
    I admire your courage. Your perspective is yours….no matter if that makes someone else uncomfortable. They did not live what you lived. So keep writing and let your words heal…not just you, but others who have had similar experiences.

  6. John Holton says:

    Your memories and stories are yours, and if someone who has their own memories and stories begs to differ from what you share, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re sharing what *you* remember. As Pontius Pilate said, “Quod scripsi, scripsi” – “What I have written, I have written.” They can always write their own…

    • Patty says:

      Thank you, John.

      I think that, where families are concerned, there are no gray areas of remembrance. It\’s either what one side thinks, or the other. Or, maybe, people just need to believe all that makes them comfortable.

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